The original OP's categories represent a reasonable 1st attempt at describing the performance of a hypothetical craft. (To me) They do not read at all like a list of "wants and desires". The OP asks for suggestions on how to improve his idea.
I agree with the OP that a standardized or recommended form for reviews might make it easier to compare craft. However since the reviews would still be written by individuals with different experiences and interests, they would remain subjective. Moreover I think requiring reviewers to follow a certain 'recipe' in writing a report would probably reduce the number of submissions considerably. Probably this would be a bad thing, though others might disagree.
Touring Kayak Paddles
Rescue / Throw Bags
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