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Holy Wetsuit!

Our group of nine kayakers was on trip at Kola Peninsula (above north polar circle), visiting three rivers with nice rapids and waterfalls. On each river, we set a base camp, drove in our cars to the start point, left majority of the group with kayaks there, already in their wetsuits, then our drivers took the cars to the finish point and returned all in one car to the start. This way, we could run rivers in empty boats and get quickly from and to the camp, saving time and effort.

So, there we were left one day at the start point in tundra, in our wet wetsuits, +10 Celsius and nice strong cold wind, waiting for the drivers to return. For warming up, we used to play volleyball, and so we did this time. After intense playing for about half an hour, we decided to stop, not to get too tired before actually starting to run the river. We spotted a war memorial on the road nearby and decided to visit it in the meanwhile.

Sergei started walking in front of me, when I asked "How are you not ashamed of kayaking with such a hole in the wetsuit right on your butt?" (It's good to mention that Sergei wears nothing under his wetsuit). "It's been there for years and it's not big enough to bother" he replied, then touched his behind and exclaimed "Wow, it didn't use to be SO big!". Apparently, the hole enlarged during the game, due to his intense playing with us - two young attractive ladies. While we walked to the memorial, Sergei kept his hands locked behind his back, for the cars passing by not to notice his disgrace. Needless to say, we girls giggled and had as much fun as we could.

When our run down the river started, there were some waterfalls to come that needed serious examination before doing them. Sergei, the most advanced of all paddlers on the trip, tended to forget about his problem while climbing the rocks to get a better look at the rapids, and the world enjoyed the constantly enlarging view of his buttocks. Then Sergei's pal Peter took a pity of him and said "OK, take my tafetta pants to cover up" - taking off his red hot pants that he put over his wetsuit. Sergei was happy with the gift, until he put the pants on and leaned down to grab a couple of huckleberries. ...There was a hole of the same size at the same place in the pants. Northern tundra hills shook as we cracked up in laughter.

Making lemonade out of a lemon, Sergei pointed at least one good thing about his unique wetsuit: "at least, it doesn't get dirty when I get scared in front of a waterfall, while you guys will have to laundry yours in the evening!"

Submitted by Maria Mironovskaya, St. Petersburg-Murmansk, Russia

For more great stories: See the Archive!

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